Friday, May 09, 2003

This has not been a good week. As some of you know, my niece unexpectedly took ill and died. The shock has lessened, at least, but the feeling that things are not right remains. My father and my neice's older half sister have headed for Tucson to be with my sister and her family. Russ had to take a business trip to Cincinnati and will be back tomorrow night. I am taking some quiet time in my house, which I badly needed. The phones are off -- Russ is keeping in touch with everyone and will email me if I need to know anything. I have a truly wonderful husband, you know. He took me on a long drive yesterday, even though he had an incredible amount of work to do before he left. That helped as well.

I have done a little writing each day, mostly as a diversion from thinking about real life. Nothing on Doors or the new stories, but Ruins turned out to be a good way to spend some time. Being here alone with the cats and the dog has helped. I'm starting to feel more like myself again.

So now is just the time of calm... Not a return to normality, just a settling of the emotional nerves, which will likely not last very long, but helps right now. We have one more huge hurdle to cross -- no one has told my mother about her granddaughter's death. My mother is in a nursing home and we need to talk to her doctors before we do anything. She can't travel to the funeral, and I doubt she'll even be told until after it, when my father and niece bet back.

This is the sort of time when you think of every missed opportunity, every thing you should have done differently... and none of it changes anything, of course. But it won't stop me from thinking about it.

I would like to get back to writing, and slip away from the real world for a bit longer....

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