Wednesday, December 18, 2002

So, am I the only one who ends up doing self-analysis in the bathtub? There's nothing like a long, warm bath on a cold winter night to let you think through decisions. And I think I've finally come to realize the problems I'm having with this yes/no holiday season.

The first part is my usual 'I don't want to change' attitude, which equates, in many ways, to 'I don't want to grow up.' The second part is the very startling realization that I'm going to be 49 in about ten weeks.

So here I am, a few days before Christmas. The 'but I like pretty lights and cookies' is warring with the 'Oh grow up!' side of me. And I'm not saying that adults can't enjoy pretty lights and cookies, but that at some point even I have to look at things responsibly and make the right choice rather than the 'me' one.

That's not to say Russ dislikes the holidays, but he's just not into the 'trappings' stuff. He doesn't enjoy putting up decorations and helping to bake and frost the cookies is right out. (Although he's quite good at baking cookies at other times -- grin). We have put the tree up in my office the last few years, partly to keep an eye on it, and also because I'm the one who enjoys looking at it. That's fine and fun, but is it necessary to spend the money to put a tree in my room? And even I have come to think that it's a lot of work (and often a lot of money at the wrong time) just to put some glittery stuff out for a few days.

I have to buy my mother a present this year, and that's about it. I got a wonderful set of tapes already that I never expected to see and I'm totally addicted to -- I've watched at least one show a day since I got them, and often quite a few more. I have the new Cherryh book, which I might just hold till Christmas and read it that day... that might be a lot of fun! I might even set a few little Christmas-y things out this weekend, since the stuff is still sitting right there in the library. But that depends on if I get the house cleaned up.

But you know, it might be time to find a new way to celebrate the holidays. Something that doesn't include wandering around the mall, (which I really don't like to do -- a sure sign that I'm getting older) looking for things to buy. I always end up finding more things that I'd like to buy for decorations and such rather than presents, which his annoying as well. I have avoided all Christmas displays since last October, just to keep from getting into the 'oh that's a cute little bit of expensive fluff that I'd like to sit out for a couple days each year.' I think I've done rather well. I did buy a cat decoration very early, though. But hey... I like to buy cat stuff anyway.

Russ has always tried to pay off all the bills he can at the end of the year, and I think that bit of money I have might help there as well. We don't have a lot of outstanding bills, so it's not that big of a deal, but this might well be the year to contribute rather than making it worse.

You know, I feel a lot better now.

No comments: