Thursday, July 26, 2012

Zette Vs. The Giant Green Grasshopper from Hell

Okay, first, I am not afraid of grasshoppers or many other bugs and insects. You can tell this by wandering through my picture a day blog and seeing how often I post pictures of the things, especially on the window beside my desk. ( )

However, when you happen to look up and see a huge green insect about as long as the palm of your hand clinging to the ceiling above your desk -- yeah, he's overstepped the line.

I did not want to kill him though. He was really quite lovely. And this was the second one this week, so I thought I'd just do what I did the last time. Got the broom, let him catch hold, and out we'd go. No problem.


After a couple pictures (of course), I put the broom up. He caught on. Cool!

I moved the broom.

Grasshopper panicked.

His first leap was onto Buffy.

Yeah, wish I'd had the camera in hand for that one! She leapt up in shock, grasshopper leapt to printer. Buffy moved. Grasshopper moved faster.

So for the next ten minutes I had a fun time trying not to trip over cat while grasshopper tries frantically to find some place away from broom and the increasingly crazed cat and her little cat buddies who are all now interested in the fun. Okay, this isn't working. I ditch the broom and go for a big plastic bowl and lid.

Come on little (or not so little) guy. Into the bowl -- yes!

No! Back out before I can get the lid on.

Across the light (did get a good shot there) and up the blinds. I knocked him down into the bowl. Got the lid on! YES! Success!

Out to the porch and out the front door and he's free! Yay!

Except he leaps on my arm and back into the porch.

Now, you know, it's a matter of honor. I'm not going to let this grasshopper win. The problem is there are boxes all over the porch and I'm not as good at climbing over and around these things as I used to be. I knock him down with a backhanded swipe of the lid. He's now somewhere I can't reach him at all. I tear away a box. He's glaring at me, I can tell.

I try appealing to him. "Outside. Grass. Grasshopper. You belong together."

He moves farther away.

But I'm ready for my big move now. Lid in one hand, bowl in the other; Leap forward, swat the grasshopper into the bowl, snap lid on!


Only I'm not sure I actually have him and I can't see inside.


Okay. I'm sure the neighbors are thinking I've gone insane by now anyway. What the hell. Outside. CLOSE PORCH DOOR BEHIND ME.

Open lid.

Grasshopper leaps straight up at me and I scream.

Now I'm positive he's on me somewhere. I start dancing around hitting myself on the back and legs. I do not look towards any of the other houses. I find no mutant huge green grasshopper on me so I leap back into the house, close and lock the door behind me and race into the house.

I've won!

Only . . . This was the second one this week. I don't know how they're getting in. I suspect the cats are behind it as a new way to drive me crazy. Or, given how the thing startled Buffy, maybe they're wise and thinking a nice live-and-let-live attitude is the best one here.

Or maybe it was the same grasshopper. Maybe he has a vendetta and now it's his honor against mine.

He's not going to win.

Well, not unless the neighbors have me committed.


Deb Salisbury said...

That's too hilarious! I've played that game with wasps, but never with a grasshopper (knock on wood).

Zette said...

Thank you! I'm more ruthless to wasps because I don't dare let the cats try to catch them, though.

cherylp said...

If wasps are in the house, they die! If they are on my deck, they get off in a hurry, or they die! Sensing a theme here.