Being able to talk to animals and have them answer isn't a great joy. This is no Doolittle world, and the animals are rarely polite little Thumper-bunnies or even wise and crafty foxes.
And the constant chatter! By the gods of every world and realm, if they would just shut up for five minutes --
But then, when they do fall silent, it is the most freaking scary thing you can imagine.
I stopped in my walk through the woods for a moment. I thought I had either gone deaf or just died. Then I heard the rustle of leaves and the sound of thousands of feet and wings heading south -- straight at me.
Yes, that was scary, too. It got worse when I could hear them whispering.
"Flee, flee, flee!"
The wave of creatures surged over and around where I stood, leaving me untouched, although my hair fluttered with their passing. I still faced the way from which they'd fled, and I could sense something there that made me want to turn and fly with the birds.
"What is it?" I asked aloud.
"Flee, flee, flee!"
And then they were all gone. I had never been alone with my thoughts before, and even they seemed to be trying to flee my brain.
I wanted to run. I am a bard, not a warrior like my four brothers. They went off on expeditions searching for gold and honor. I sang tales about them. And with that thought firmly placed in my mind, I turned my back on the trouble and prepared to flee as well.
Then I heard something odd.
"Ow. Stupid humans. Ow!"
The ground began to tremble first, and then the trees shuddered. The sounds came from everywhere, and a huge shadow fell over me. I held my breath and beheld --
A hopping dragon.
"Stupid - ow -- bigoted -- OW! -- humans!"
The giant red dragon had a glowing sword stuck in his foot. He stopped at least a dozen yards from me and leaned forward to pull the sword out with his teeth. Something flashed; he yelped and pulled back, and fell over.
"OW!"
Somewhere far away, my brain screamed, FLEE, FLEE, FLEE! I took a step forward instead. The dragon stumbled to his feet, hissed in pain, and leaned down to look me in the face.
"I am not in the mood to discuss anything with a human."
"I can see that. I can remove the sword, though.
Dark eyes blinked and narrowed. "Why would you do that?"
"Because the sword belongs to Nestor, one of my brothers. I am a bard. They don't think much of me. Imagine his surprise when I gave it back."
"I would like to give it back right through his foot." The dragon winced. "What if I just kill you once you remove it?"
"I don't think you would repay me that way. Besides, I'll have the sword."
The dragon gave in to that logic, and I wasted no time. Nestor couldn't be far away, and I wanted to make a show of giving it back before a crowd. I might even write a pithy little ballad to sing. My mind was on the opening line when I pulled the sword up.
I should have warned the dragon first. He didn't realize I knew how to grab just below the pommel and press the ruby to stop the magic, so all I had to do was pull it out. He yelped and kicked. I stumbled backward, fell to the ground, and nearly cut off my own leg.
No one had told me that the sword talked.
"That was a swift one, Target," he said, using the nickname my brothers had given me. He knew me through Nestor. "Going to take out a dandelion or two while we are down here?"
"What the hell? Why didn't anyone say you could talk?" I demanded.
"Only you can hear him," the dragon said. "Thanks for the help. Good luck."
And with that, the dragon sprinted away.
I spent days looking for Nestor. I tried to bury the sword. I threw it into a fast-running river. Both times it was back at my side within half a mile. It had its own belt hook but seemed to find joy in hitting me repeatedly on the right shin.
I looked for wise women and mages -- but they all disappeared when I got close.
I was stuck with him.
"I am not going to address you as Your Radiance, King of all Swords, every time I talk to you!"
"Then don't talk to me."
"Then you stop talking to me!"
"You first."
"You stop -- oh, for the love of the gods, just be quiet for a little while today."
"Sure thing." We made it an entire four hundred steps this time. "I want an adventure. Let's go fight orcs. I always wanted to fight orcs."
"Another thing we don't have in common."
"Nestor always said you were a coward."
"No, he didn't. He thought I was the smartest one of the brothers."
I caught him on that one, even though I wasn't sure I was right. I learned that Radiance had two limitations. While he could tell me something false, he had to admit to it if I countered with the truth. Second, he could talk in my head but couldn't hear my thoughts unless I addressed him. Mostly I spoke aloud.
"We aren't going after orcs. We're going to Crossroads City, and I will find someone, human or fae, who can take you and give you the future you want. It is not going to be me, Radiance."
"Hmm. Well."
So I at least had his attention. Turned out that he didn't mind listening to the birds once he got used to it, either.
It wasn't so bad.
I was still going to be rid of him. I just hoped we didn't run into any orcs first.
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