One Demand Too Many
By Lazette Gifford
(This story was published in a slightly longer form several
years ago.)
"I said never come back." The Sorceress looked
up, a feathered quill twitching back and forth in her hand like the tail of an
unhappy cat. "I didn't think even you people were this stupid."
Four kings and three queens, a veritable bevy of rulers
from the Lost Lands of Katkarol, glared.
They were only lost lands
because everyone had tired of the endless Katkarolian wars and stopped putting
the little clutch of kingdoms on maps.
The rulers realized without trade they were falling behind in technology
and wealth. They came to the Sorceress
for help -- and came again and again. As
soon as one prepared to see her, they all converged on her mountain
retreat. She considered retreating a bit
farther.
The Sorceress silently cursed her late, crazy aunt who --
for some unfathomable reason -- had believed the answer to all problems was
immortality, and bestowed the blessing everywhere she passed. Then the old sorceress had immolated herself
in a spell gone wrong. Now her niece had to deal with the rulers, cats and what
she suspected might be a damned immortal housefly. Forever.
"Well?" She reluctantly put aside her quill and swatted
at the fly. "What now?"
"You haven't solved anything!" King Ethan
declared. He pretty much declared everything, having ruled long
past any hope of a normal conversation. "We
came to you for help --"
"And I have given help, twice over." They pressed
their luck, they did. She felt an instinctive
surge of magic she had to quell by obliterating a poor, unsuspecting roach in
the corner of the room. Queen Lavena, who had been about to stomp the insect,
looked startled when it vaporized.
"I have given you answers to your problems. You keep resurrecting them."
"We signed a contract," Queen Anabel
shouted. "We paid for magic to
settle our war and what did we get? A
piece of paper! A Peace Treaty! By the
Gods, we could have done that much ourselves!"
"Then why didn't you?"
No one answered as they worked up into a good, loud group
tantrum. Complaining and throwing fits
seemed the only things they could do as a team.
They might have reason to be upset by her second answer,
which had been unorthodox, but definitely magical. They just hadn't realized the extent of the
magic for nine months.
"Daughters!" Ethan shouted. "All daughters for our heirs! How can we force marriages, form alliances --
get control of the other lands --"
Everyone shouted, except for Queen Lavena, who glanced at
the floor where a small line of scorched wood marked the demise of the
roach. She began edging her way towards
the door.
The others ranted about their daughters and the Sorceress's
late aunt who had been so much better at this work. The Sorceress finally lifted her hand and the
room fell silent, though not out of respect.
Their mouths continued moving long after they stopped making any sounds,
confirming her suspicion they never listened to themselves. She waited until they finally realized they
couldn't be heard.
"You asked me to end your wars. I have given you every reason not to
fight. First I created a treaty fair to
everyone. Then I gave you daughters so you could make marriage alliances
outside of the Lost Lands. By the Gods,
you people are dumber than a box of rocks!
I don't like wasting my time."
They glared. She
finally released the spell, knowing they wouldn't leave until they were done
complaining.
"Your pledge said you never fail!" King Gulab
shouted. "That was your bond to
us."
"And you have failed!" Ethan declared, his face
blotchy with anger. "We demand
--"
"Demand?"
Lavena moved quickly towards the door, trying to get past
King Kaisov and Queen Eastlyn, neither of whom moved. She looked panicked. Wise woman.
"My bond was to bring peace to the lands," the
Sorceress said. "It occurs to me the lands have no problem with
peace."
Two more rulers backed hastily towards the door.
"Don't go."
With a wave of her hand the door bolted shut. Kings and Queens froze in silent shock, realizing
the danger as she conjured a map of the world and looked it over.
"Peace for the land, peace for the land. I won't fail, of course. I never do.
But there's only one answer left."
Her finger moved until she found a tiny spot of brown in
the midst of lovely sea of blue. King
Gulab shook his head in honest, silent panic.
"Bye-bye."
She waved. The spell
was elegant and simple, gathering the entire group -- kings, queens, wives,
husbands, concubines, lovers and devoted servants -- and sending them elsewhere. She left only the hard working councilors who
had kept the countries from total disaster and the princesses and their
nannies. Immortal girls; Aunt Birdy's spell passed to another generation.
The Sorceress watched with pleasure as the royal spellbound
travelers reached their destination and dropped less than gracefully into a
swamp, one quick plop after another.
"I don't think that was our best idea," Ethan
declared, up to his royal ass in muck.
"What are we going to do?" King Gulab asked, his face white where it
wasn't already splattered in mud.
"I think," Ethan declared, "We should talk
democracy."
The sorceress felt a surge of pride, knowing she'd finally
found the answer. She couldn't guarantee
there would be serenity in the Lost Lands of Katkarol when the princesses came
to power, but she would have peace
for a few more years.
Peace? Oh yes. The Sorceress conjured the Peace Treaty,
which the rulers might find helpful.
The damned immortal housefly chose that moment to annoy
her, much to its later regret. She
swatted the fly with the treaty and sent both off to the Island of the Lost
Rulers of the Lost Lands.
The immortal cats, being wiser than rulers and flies,
didn't bother her for the rest of the day.
997 words
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1 comment:
I love it! Absolutely love these kinds of stories you do. :D
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