Forward

Like nearly everyone else in the world, I've been watching the news on New Orleans and the area surrounding it. Unlike most everyone else, I am not going to point fingers and shout about how it's someone or others fault. Maybe some of it is. It's too late now to make any changes and we are faced, instead, with the reality of the event. I don't care what fanatics on both sides are yelling about fault. It's long past that stage.

I've been through a few sites the last several days and saw an outpouring of sympathy and offers of aid from people all over the world. What their governments are saying isn't important to me. What Bush says on a number of things does not reflect how I feel -- and I don't expect any other government to fully represent the beliefs of all it's people, either. I certainly don't expect the fanatics of any group -- the ones who are bound to draw the attention of reporters -- to represent an entire people, either. I don't give a damn what they're saying. They've no control over the events any more than we have. They're just talk.

As for countries sending physical aid -- I don't know that the US would allow it in. Whom do we trust any more? Who would we let in with plane loads of equipment and people, and believe that they are all carefully checked, no terrorists here. Would we trust it from a country that doesn't back us on the war with Iraq? Would we trust it from Great Britain, which obviously has some problems with their own terrorists. Is there a point at which we are ever going to trust anyone again?

I hate living in this age.

My decision is to do what I can on an individual level, and for the rest to keep moving forward with my own work. The world has changed again -- there's no doubt about it. But I'm still here, and I intend to go on with my life and appreciate what I have, because once again I've seen how quickly and easily everything can be lost. Today I have my home and my office, and all my cats, dog, teddy bears, books, computers -- my life. I am not the kind of person who is now going to go into a depression because I've seen how quickly you can lose everything. I've seen it before, on a smaller scale, living in an area with tornadoes every summer. I will continue to appreciate my good fortune, and do what I can to help others. And I don't care whose at fault for any disaster of this kind. It's done. My feeling toward the people who are yelling and pointing fingers on both sides is just to shut up and do what you can to help, in whatever small way that can be.

And appreciate that you're in a position to look on from the outside, not be caught in the middle of this horrible tragedy.

Today I am starting the rewrite of Ada Nish Pura. I'm now printing out various versions of the chapters that I had edited already, trying to find the spot where I still really liked what I had. I think I've finally let it sit long enough because I'm actually excited about going back to work on the novel. A couple months ago I couldn't look at it without cringing over the entire experience. It's time to separate the experience from the novel and get it finished.

I am going to treat Ada as though it were a much older novel. I'm going to print it out and rewrite it from scratch. I know that there are major changes that I want to include on almost every page that include cultural and worldbuilding material. I think the changes and stress has to be at such a basic level that editing it in won't 'feel' right for me. I want to throw myself completely back into the story and feel it grow again. I love this novel, and 'writing' it again is going to help me rekindle the fire for it.

I also have in front of me several pages of notes for the closing chapters of Glory. It's time I finish that one up as well. I know what I want, but I keep bouncing off the chapter when I try to insert it. I have the manuscript open and I'm just going to find the best spot and start putting the new material in and reworking everything after it to fit.

So that's my look at everything on the first day of the month. I hope to have Ada done this month. I hope to have Glory done within the week.

And that's how I'm dealing with my future -- by reminding myself that I have a very lucky life, and it's time I get back to appreciating it and doing the things that I love.